I often look at pastors and teachers and think, wow, I'll never have the discipline to memorize all those passages of Scripture, or I would never be able to prepare myself for so many sermons to travel and speak like he does. I thought that just this weekend about our D*Now speaker. I remember thinking how I would fall behind on my quiet time and slack on spending time in my relationship with God eventually, and I'd never be able to keep up with the discipline of close and daily communication with God that it takes to be a preacher or a traveling speaker or revival leader, etc.
It's the same as saying, I could never do that job because it requires some skill that I don't have... such as cooking, speaking another language, playing a sport well, being in front of a crowd or being a leader, being humble and working behind the scenes, or writing eloquently, maybe doing lots of paperwork, flying. I dunno, just throwing those out there because I think they may be pretty common.
But today I was faced with the conviction that saying I am not able to do something because I don't have the skill or ability is the same thing as saying... my abilities are above God's, and if I can't do it or if the Father didn't already gift me with it, then God surely won't be able to help me to do it now.
That's all backwards. If I don't have the skill, the ability, the experience, the nerve, the whatever to get the job done, well that comes first. Ok, I've exhausted me, so what? I just give up? No no no no no no no.... then steps in.... GOD. When I'm all out of capability, God gives me power through His Spirit to do any thing and all things.
Sometimes I say -- I don't doubt God, I just doubt myself. This is 1 of 2 things: a lie with the underlying notion that I do doubt God's power, or a personal belief which reveals that I think my abilities to accomplish tasks are above God's own.
Here's an open confession pertaining to this subject. They are not my words, but I was convicted and intend to make them my own words more than once in prayer:
"Lord, I have had misgivings about You. I have not believed in Your abilites, but only my own. And I have not believed in Your almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it."
-from my purple book
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Morgan,
ReplyDeleteThe Lord has certainly spoke to me through you in this post. I am so guilty of not only recognizing my self-conceived notions of my inabilities but also pointing my inabilities out to others. I heard the other day that pointing out your inabilities is prideful. What? Yeah, I thought the same thing. But you see pride is not about thinking highly of yourself but rather just a preoccupation with self. When I am bringing attention to myself then I am being prideful whether it involves me bragging about myself or putting myself down.
Then I read your post. Oh, how true it is of me that I doubt I am capable of serving God in ministry. I keep telling myself that this doubt is not created from God but Satan trying to prevent me from expanding God's kingdom in service with Him. After reading your post God revealed to me that Satan my be the author but I am an active participant in his creation. WOW! When I doubt my abilities I am inadvertently denying the abilities of my Lord, from whom all things are made possible, and glorifying the devilish work of Satan. Oh, Father forgive me and empty me of my sinfulness. Amen.
I will pray for you, my dear friend, and I must say that capabilities in the Lord should never be a doubt for you because you are a great inspiration to a "small" family in West TN.
In His Name,
Derek Bodiford