It's certainly not the end

It's beautiful that I can sit down to type this and see how things have fallen into place, which was only made possible by the gracious hand of God.

I was out of town yesterday afternoon until tonight. I went to Nashville with some girlfriends and we had a bachelorette party for a friend who's getting married soon. Consequently, I didn't have the time or at least I suppose I didn't make the time to post yesterday.

So I'm looking back at my very first post and my last post, and I re-read over a few others as well in order to reflect on the month and all God has shown me. Several overriding themes were very clear to me. Themes I could definitely identify without even looking back because it's been so evident that God was trying to bring these things to my attention.

-Patience: God has more than moved me to wait on Him in silence, to listen and learn contently and expectantly.
-God's Love: He has provided me with so much love and comfort through a difficult transition in my life and through some personal life experiences. I've just been overwhelmed with God's presence during this time of focus and completely saturated and in awe of His love and mercy and forgiveness.
-Love for one another: My Lord is teaching me to love people the way He does. To look at people through His eyes and not through circumstances.
-Revelation 2:3-5: God set me on fire, allowed me to witness passion and spiritual exhaustion in other people's lives, and reminded me to turn back to my first love. He's taught me not to lean on people, but to lean on Him and seek counsel from Him first. And to remember why I love and serve the God that I do.
-Selfishness: Less of Morgan and her limited capabilities and more of God and His almighty power. It's all about Him.
-Life Verse: Acts 26:16-18 -- I cannot be silent about what I have seen and heard from my Lord. I refuse to sit quietly. I will get up and stand on my feet, and I know that He will hold me and give me strength unwaveringly. My life is devoted to "shine you, Lord" so that the world may open their eyes and see and turn from sin and be saved and receive Your power, just as You have so mercifully allowed me to do.
"Now get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you to appoint you as a servant and as a witness of what you have seen of me and what I will show you. I will rescue you from your own people and from the Gentiles. I am sending you to them to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, so that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith in me.'"


It was also obvious to me that I ended on that last post when I did so that my attention would be called to the difference of the perspective I saw there in comparison to my first post.

-From "Getting down to Basics"
"At first I wondered, is that a lot to ask from God? Then I cringed at my own ignorance and realized that for Him it's probably as simple as something close to brushing your teeth. It's for me that it's a lot to ask -- That my sinful heart could go 28 days without being prideful, self-seeking, envious, eh I could go on, but you get my drift..."

AND....

-From "It's NOT a cliche -- I really can do ALL things!!"
Sometimes I say -- I don't doubt God, I just doubt myself. This is 1 of 2 things: a lie with the underlying notion that I do doubt God's power, or a personal belief which reveals that I think my abilities to accomplish tasks are above God's own.

I took on this endeavor as a call from my Lord. I began it in my own strength -- thinking that whether I could accomplish it fully was up to me. Now I see that I have doubted God's Almighty Power by doubting myself. I can no longer use this as an excuse not to give myself up fully to Him.

And lastly, my devotional for today sums it up:

Luke 18 -- the story of the blind man
38 And he cried out, saying, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 39 Then those who went before warned him that he should be quiet; but he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” 40 So Jesus stood still and commanded him to be brought to Him. And when he had come near, He asked him, 41 saying, “What do you want Me to do for you?” He said, “Lord, that I may receive my sight.” 42 Then Jesus said to him, “Receive your sight; your faith has made you well.”
I feel kind of like the blind man. I cried out to God. I asked him for sight -- through His eyes -- and He certainly provided in ways I never even imagined. This month it has truly been a blessing to focus on my Lord and Savior and learn of His strength and love and might.
So I asked myself the question, What's Next? Am I going to continue to blog?
I think I will follow in the blind man's.... er, well, the seeing man's shoes....

43 And immediately he received his sight, and followed Him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God.

I will continue following my one, true Savior, wherever He leads, and attempt to glorify Him in any and every way possible. And my prayer is that the world will see it, and they will praise God for what He has done.

Thank you for your accountability, and most of all for your prayers. I hope what God has done here has encouraged you in some way.
And if you feel led, stay tuned, because this is certainly not the end....

It's NOT a cliche' -- I really can do ALL things!!

I often look at pastors and teachers and think, wow, I'll never have the discipline to memorize all those passages of Scripture, or I would never be able to prepare myself for so many sermons to travel and speak like he does. I thought that just this weekend about our D*Now speaker. I remember thinking how I would fall behind on my quiet time and slack on spending time in my relationship with God eventually, and I'd never be able to keep up with the discipline of close and daily communication with God that it takes to be a preacher or a traveling speaker or revival leader, etc.
It's the same as saying, I could never do that job because it requires some skill that I don't have... such as cooking, speaking another language, playing a sport well, being in front of a crowd or being a leader, being humble and working behind the scenes, or writing eloquently, maybe doing lots of paperwork, flying. I dunno, just throwing those out there because I think they may be pretty common.

But today I was faced with the conviction that saying I am not able to do something because I don't have the skill or ability is the same thing as saying... my abilities are above God's, and if I can't do it or if the Father didn't already gift me with it, then God surely won't be able to help me to do it now.

That's all backwards. If I don't have the skill, the ability, the experience, the nerve, the whatever to get the job done, well that comes first. Ok, I've exhausted me, so what? I just give up? No no no no no no no.... then steps in.... GOD. When I'm all out of capability, God gives me power through His Spirit to do any thing and all things.

Sometimes I say -- I don't doubt God, I just doubt myself. This is 1 of 2 things: a lie with the underlying notion that I do doubt God's power, or a personal belief which reveals that I think my abilities to accomplish tasks are above God's own.

Here's an open confession pertaining to this subject. They are not my words, but I was convicted and intend to make them my own words more than once in prayer:

"Lord, I have had misgivings about You. I have not believed in Your abilites, but only my own. And I have not believed in Your almighty power apart from my finite understanding of it."
-from my purple book

Jesus is my Rock

For the first time today, in my almost 8 years of driving, a rock flew into my windshield and cracked it. Of course, I called my dad 'cause I had no idea what to do :-) hahaha
Then I text my roommate to share the bad news. No idea where to take my car, no idea how much it's going to cost or if insurance will cover it, first rock ever to break my windshield and of course it had to be my new car :-(

But in spite of this yucky incident, I knew it wasn't going to be something that would ruin my day. I thought, it's just a little thing and there's nothing I can really do about it. I think I would be surprised at how many people might let something like this put them in a bad mood. But I was pleasantly surprised at how easy I realized it was going to be for me to brush it aside, financially absorbing as it might be later on. It reminded me of one of the principles we addressed at Disciple Now this weekend -- stressing to the girls how our lives display Christ to others so often by the way we handle situations.

Of course, I was in my car by myself, and thinking, "What did that happen for, God?" No one is witnessing my calm reaction. No one is here to hear that I didn't curse or get upset.

You might be thinking, "How silly of her to think God is in control of a tiny rock hitting her windshield! Why, that's just a little thing which happens in life that God doesn't care so much about..."
Go ahead and think that. I did! At first.

Then I remembered how deep and wide and all-encompassing is the vision of our God. How he sees from beginning to end and created all things to work out His plan (everything is under his control). And I thought of the repair shop or car dealership or wherever that cracked windshield may take me later on. And of the people I'll meet when I'm there. And how I might affect their lives at that time, if my heart is prepared for opportunities and I am willing to be used by my Lord.

So, who knows what future opportunity that tiny rock has placed in my life?! But I do know Who placed that rock in my life. And that's how I am able to handle a situation like this with grace. Because He gives me more grace.

Trying to be still

Man, I had this whole thing halfway typed up, and it was this really cool comparison of the words endure and persevere which I was enjoying, but it just wasn't flowing out of me like it should, and so I had to stop and delete it all.
I think God wants me to share something a little different with you tonight. Maybe He'll allow me to come back to that other topic later on. But more importantly, forward with what He has in mind.

Our message at the Walk tonight is one that I've heard before. Our underlying theme is seeking God's will in relationships, but Tim really hit on seeking God's will as a whole. Let me lay the background of the sermon down for you, and then I'll tell you how God really convicted me through this message I was already familiar with.

There are 3 different routes, so to speak, for the Will of God.
1. His Sovereign Will -- this is God's will which He will accomplish no matter what. ie. Things like sending Jesus to die on the cross, creating and instituting the church to spread Christ's message, and judgment day which will come for all. This Will cannot be changed, and we don't have to pray for it to happen, because it's going to regardless. God's Sovereign will is, however, done through people, which is why it's important to be familiar with it.

2. His Moral Will -- this is God's instructions to us in the Bible on doing right and wrong. No question about it. There's no need to ask God about what He's already commanded us to do. ie. We don't have to pray whether we should have premarital sex or whether it's ok to kill that guy that sits next to you and drives you crazy. And we know without asking that we should read His word and pray for others.

3. His Personal Will -- this is the one we all wanna know, right? Bingo. This is the one that we continually ask God about. ie. What job should I take? Who should I marry? Should I have another child? Should I go to a different church? etc....

Summary statement: The more familiar you are with God's sovereign will and the more obedient you are to God's moral will, the easier it is to see and know God's personal will for your life.
It's only when we make our pursuit of God #1 that everything else will fall into place; He will take care of the details.

Like I said, I've heard this message before, and it's a great message. It puts God's will into a much clearer perspective, and offers a really simple formula for understanding and knowing what He personally wants for my life.
But here's the power statement, the punch line, the kicker that convicted my heart at the end of this sermon. Pay attention now:

The true problem is that we want to know God's personal will for our lives, but we have no desire to learn about His sovereign will and little concern for being obedient to His moral will.

Oh man did that speak to me. It is so right. This is exactly where I was not so long ago.
God, do you want me to take this job? God, do you want me to stay in this job? Should I drop everything and serve You in missions? Should I date this person? Should I leave this city and attend seminary?
Those are all "personal will" questions that I was asking God over and over. But I was less concerned with becoming familiar or being obedient. I told you, God has me in this period of waiting for a reason... many reasons, it looks like.... and it's becoming more obvious to me as He continues to speak to me and encourage me to spend time with Him, focus on Him, and fall more in love with Him, and Him alone.

I am without doubt that one of His main purposes for giving me the idea of this blog was to show me just how much I needed to learn to be still and know that He is God.

Analogies

I read somewhere that we learn through analogies. Because we cannot fathom what we have not experienced, our human mind must compare what we have experienced to what we have not in order to comprehend.
For example, if you have never had your leg cut off, you have no idea what that would feel like. You can try to imagine, but you wouldn't really be able to comprehend what that pain would feel like (at least, I imagine it would be painful!) But if I were to tell you that getting your leg cut off felt like when your whole leg falls asleep after you've been sitting on it for 20 minutes or so and the whole thing is tingly and painful especially to touch. OK, I'm pretty sure it doesn't feel like that, but now you can imagine what it might be like to get your leg cut off, right?
So that's not the best analogy, but you get the drift.

This analogy is something I witnessed this weekend, and I want to share it with you.
We woke up Saturday morning to a white landscape and about an inch maybe two of snow. Everything, the brown ugliness of winter had been completely visible the day before. Now it was completely covered. Hidden by a beautiful, pure blanket of cold, white snow.
Just like the hideousness of our sin is so visible. And Jesus' blood covers it all. Completely hiding it from the eyes of God. And so all He sees is that beautiful, pure, white righteousness that covers His child. Our sin is invisible to God because of the forgiveness He provides. And the grace He gives as a gift, in exchange for nothing, that allows us to be close to Him, no longer separated from Him by sin.
Listen to this song.

Now I want to share with you a perspective, an attitude, that I learned this weekend and that I choose to develop and use in my own life.

Our Disciple Now speaker, Jay Lowder, made this statement about an experience he went through at some point in his life. I don't remember the experience, but the quote is the main point here.
He said, "God allowed me to go through that so later I could better understand this part of Scripture."
Honestly, I don't know what part of Scripture he was talking about either. The important part is that God understands that our minds are so finite and that we comprehend experientally. So God allows us to experience in order that we may place life in analogical terms and comprehend.
Whatever you're going through, whatever you're going to face in the future, and whatever has certainly happened to you in the past -- it was all because of God. He certainly was the author of your life. And it happened because He planned it. And He planned it so that you would understand Him better.

So next time I'm going through a difficult time. A joyous time. A period of waiting (ie. right now). I'm going to remember that God is allowing me to go through it so that later when I open up to a passage of Scripture, I can better comprehend the ridicule that Paul experienced, the physical pain that Christ endured, the joy with which David sang the Psalms, the awe and wonder that filled the disciples when they witnessed Christ perform miracles, the usefulness the boy felt when Jesus handed out his basket of loaves and fish, the shame that struck Peter when he denied his Lord and broke his promise, the jealousy God has for me...

Making up for lost posts...

So this was an AMAZING weekend. Disciple Now is definitely one of my favorite events to serve in the church. I spent the weekend with my friend Natalie and seven 10th grade girls learning about Jesus and experiencing the Holy Spirit working like WOAH! By the end of the weekend we saw over 60 kids make a decision to follow Christ fully with their lives, and on Sunday night 20+ got baptized in our church service as a public expression of their faith and commitment to follow Jesus Christ!! Can I get an AMEN?!

So there's no way I can express to you the AWEsomeness of God that I experienced during this entire weekend, but I can highlight a few things he showed/taught me. And that's what I'm gonna do.

First of all, let me say that I was excited... I mean, really pumped... about this weekend. I told you I didn't get off to a good start. First I was proud and thought "Hey I got this. Fourth consecutive year at DNOW." Then I realized I had not prepped myself spiritually the way I should have. So I felt unprepared, which led to feeling incapable. YIKES. Satan attacked hard in those 24 hours before the weekend began. I humbled myself enough to pray to God about it, but let me just say that not preparing myself spiritually did affect me. I had to surrender so hard, more than once, to get out of the way and just be a vessel of God. Morgan was all up in the way. I got frustrated. I couldn't figure out what to say. Couldn't figure out how to lead the girls. Then I had to "let go, and let God." Whew, and good thing, too! So I asked Him, over and over, whenever I felt I might be trying to have control, Lord let there be less of me and more of You. Use me as Your vessel, the glove on Your hand, and speak through me. Get Morgan out of the way and let Your Spirit guide me and control me.

And He heard my plea and allowed me to be a tool in His plan. And He filled me with the energy to get through the weekend (cause you don't get much sleep when you spend 3 days with 10th grade girls ;-)!!)

How humbling to be shown that I cannot, indeed, do it on my own.

Ill about my ill-Preparation

So I'm leading a Disciple Now group with my friend Natalie this weekend at my church. I'm really mad at myself because I got so busy preparing myself by getting all my work for the week done that I didn't make time to prepare myself spiritually. I didn't set aside enough time. Not very glorifying. Aarrgghh. Sooo I'm a little frustrated with myself, but I know God will use me if I surrender. I'll take advantage of the time I have tomorrow to be in prayer about the weekend, and you can help me out with that, too.

I have a group of high school girls. I'm sure I'll get ministered to by them, but pray that their hearts are in preparation to hear the messages that Jay Lowder will present to them. Pray that the Holy Spirit will enable them to understand God's word as it is presented. And that they will be willing to share as we are all called to do.

Also for me and Natalie, pray that God creates a chemistry with us and our group that is glorifying to Him. Pray that He will use us to speak His word in a way that high school girls can understand. And pray that we are sensitive to the individual needs each of the girls we'll be with this weekend.

I know that's a pretty lofty list, but if you'll pick one or two of those and say a prayer once or twice on it, it would be so powerful and it would mean so much to me.

So the theme is "The Big Show" and I'm sure God will show up the only way He ever does -- BIG. I don't know that I'll be able to post what I see over the weekend, but I'll be sure to come back Sunday and fill you in on what He's working on. I know it will be an incredible weekend (and tiring, in the good way!) so I'm extremely excited, and I thank you ahead of time for your prayers.

I'm gonna go try to please God with my prayers on this, since I did such a poor job preparing myself with the material today.

A break in the clouds

Then there came a voice from above the expanse over their heads as they stood with lowered wings. Above the expanse over their heads was what looked like a throne of sapphire, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man. I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded him. Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him.
This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
-Ezekiel 1:25-28

I just want to share with you something beautiful that I saw today that just put me in awe of God. It was coming a completely massive flood on me driving to a county an hour north of here and the clouds were literally so low that I thought they might sit on top of my head. I looked up and felt like a thick bed comforter (a cold, wet one) was blanketing the world and trying to shut us out from anything Heaven-ward. Of course that's just silliness because God is in this world and nothing can block Him out.
So I drove a little farther and a break in the clouds allowed a wide band of amazingly blue sky to blaze through and catch my eyes, briefly until they went right back to the road! ;-) jk jk
Soon enough I reached the strip of road where the sun behind me beamed out through the band of blue and projected its light and warmth on the landscape in front of me. And a dazzling rainbow shot out of the mist in front of me so close I literally thought I might reach out the windshield and grab a piece of it to keep forever. I was driving on a divided highway, and I'm not even lying, the rainbow arched from the right side of the road directly over the highway in front of me and landed its left side on the pavement on the opposite side of the dividing grass. I've never been so close to something I imagined was so... un-reachable. Hillsong The Stand was playing on my iPod, and I had to lift my hand that wasn't holding the wheel in praise and awe of my God and the beauty that He comes up with!
It must be at least somewhat close to what Ezekiel experienced in the presence of the Lord... coming so close to something you see as so far away, despite that you try to make it real and tangible to your mind every day.
I also like that this verse describes the radiance as a rainbow. I stared in awe of that radiance today, only to discover that Ezekiel describes the radiance surrounding the Lord in the same way. AWE-some!! Something I can grasp, wrap my mind around!

1 John 4

All I can think about is God's love. I can't form the right words to tell you how I'm feeling, except that if you know what God's love is like, you understand.

He is jealous for me.
I talked with a couple of my sisters in Christ about this tonight. (Also the topic of my post "Green with Jealousy.")
There is a void in every person's heart that Christ alone can fill. We, as women, try to stick men in that hole. We try to put friendships and relationships there. We even try to exercise or tan or diet to make our bodies look good so we can love ourselves in order to fill that void.
But God says stop it. Nothing will make that yearning for love and affection go away -- not a marriage, not a diet, not a best friend, not a new baby, not a mom or a dad. All these things might come close, temporarily. But it just ain't happenin' in the long run.

And the beautiful part is that God's not going to let that void be filled. Because it's His place in your heart. It's His place in my heart. And He says no, ma'am I'm not letting any flawed person or thing take My place in that hole because that will leave you wounded, daughter! But God can fill that void in our lives in a way that is satisfying, that does satiate that horrible, nagging, longing feeling and never leaves you feeling alone or lacking or let down. And He wants to.

But as long as we try to put other things in God's place, we will not be content. God won't let us be. Because He is a jealous God, thankfully.

And when we do fill that void with Him, and we are complete, there is nothing that can disappoint. When we are seated in Christ and focused on Him and He is dwelling in our hearts, no amount of depression or grief or disappointment or angry bitterness can defeat us because He will enable us with the Spirit to get past whatever it is we are struggling against.

This is God's love dwelling in us, and this is what I cannot get off my mind. So many things around me right now are speaking of it, and I want to just listen.

God, let me know more fully Your love and its power in my life and the lives of others.

How do I love thee?

• I love Morgan.
• I get mad at Morgan sometimes, but I get over it.
• I understand Morgan's motives most of the time, but every now and then I don't really get Morgan. However, I always get over that and move on to loving Morgan again.
• I constantly learn new things about Morgan. Praise God, because He opens my eyes to who Morgan is inside and allows me to see Morgan's heart.
• I know Morgan has faults and Morgan messes up and Morgan does things wrong. I know Morgan doesn't even always see that Morgan does things wrong. But I still love Morgan despite that.
• Sometimes I do things that hurt Morgan. And then I have trouble forgiving Morgan, but I never really stop loving Morgan.
• Fact is, I love Morgan unconditionally. I don't think anything could ever make me stop loving Morgan, because I wouldn't really know how to stop loving Morgan, truth be told. I just do it because that's the way God created me.

And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

-Matthew 22:39

After reading this verse, I asked myself, "How do I really love myself?" And looked at it as this is how I should love others.

How do you love yourself? Think about it like I did. And replace your name with the name of someone you struggle to love.

Pick out your seeds before you plant them

Well. This is going to be hard for me to write. I don't know whether it's a shot to my pride, just personal, or difficult for me to admit to myself let alone to the world wide web. I've been mad. Mad as everything. Let's just say I got extremely disappointed by a guy. I think that says it well enough. And I was hurt... and then I was mad. Oh was I mad.
But the fuel to a non-righteous fire runs out pretty quick unless you feed it. And I'm trying pretty hard right now to be fueled by God alone, so the fire of the anger is dying, and I'm graciously receiving God's perspective on the situation. Which, naturally, makes me ashamed (as it always should) but also I'm finding joy in learning and growing and becoming less like me and more like Him.

So, like I said, I got let down pretty hard. And I blamed him and was mad at him for it. I heard this message a couple weeks ago at our college Walk (see blog entitled You are the Light...) and I took a lot away from it. But as I sat in my room and thought about this, God opened my eyes and reminded me of that message, and my ears heard it a little differently this time. Or I guess I should say I heard it more completely.

Galatians 6:7
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

And taking a look at myself, my life, and what I've learned in the course of this bitter disappointment... I realized that God has shown me a lot about... me. And it's quite clear to me that I am just now reaping from something I've sown... and watered... and tended... throughout my life.

And even in realizing I'm reaping the harvest of my own seeds, I asked myself, is it not justifiable anger? Would God not be mad at someone hurting me? Would God not expect more from a Christian man, just as I would?

Romans 14:4 convicted me of asking this series of questions. This is actually a passage speaking on the strong versus the weak in faith. But looking at it as an illustration, you can see that the point is also taken that everyone is in a different place in their faith and in their relationship with Christ. So the question to ask myself then was, who is Morgan to have expectations of another follower of Christ? Only God has those expectations, and it is not my place to say whether anything should be expected of anyone. All I have to know is that God has accepted all His children who believe, and the Lord will make them all stand, because He is able.

Who are you to judge someone else's servant? To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.

So how can I be mad at someone else whom the Lord has already accepted and loves? I cannot hold anything against him. And how can I be justifiably angry when I am reaping what I know I have sown? I cannot, because I believe in God's word and I know they are the seeds that I have planted. It is motivation to plant new seeds in my life. In order to reap a better, sweeter, more God-glorifying harvest next time. And lastly, it brings me joy to know that my Lord is teaching me to be less like myself and more like Him by mercifully opening my eyes to what He sees in this area of my life.
Thank you, Lord.

The Discipline of Hearing

"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops." Matthew 10:27

Sometimes God puts us through the experience and discipline of darkness to teach us to hear and obey Him. Song birds are taught to sing in the dark, and God puts us into "the shadow of His hand" until we learn to hear Him (Isaiah 49:2 ). "Whatever I tell you in the dark. . ."— pay attention when God puts you into darkness, and keep your mouth closed while you are there. Are you in the dark right now in your circumstances, or in your life with God? If so, then remain quiet. If you open your mouth in the dark, you will speak while in the wrong mood— darkness is the time to listen. Don’t talk to other people about it; don’t read books to find out the reason for the darkness; just listen and obey. If you talk to other people, you cannot hear what God is saying. When you are in the dark, listen, and God will give you a very precious message for someone else once you are back in the light.
After every time of darkness, we should experience a mixture of delight and humiliation. If there is only delight, I question whether we have really heard God at all. We should experience delight for having heard God speak, but mostly humiliation for having taken so long to hear Him! Then we will exclaim, "How slow I have been to listen and understand what God has been telling me!" And yet God has been saying it for days and even weeks. But once you hear Him, He gives you the gift of humiliation, which brings a softness of heart— a gift that will always cause you to listen to God now.

This is today's devotional from My Utmost for His Highest. I read it pretty much every day and God has spoken to me through it several times because it is so thought-provoking. It really causes me to dig deeper into scripture to search for truth in what Chambers is saying, and it almost always applies to me -- if not at present, I find myself looking back and remembering what was written. Normally I wouldn't want to just slap up here someone else's thoughts because this is supposed to be the perspective that God reveals to me each day, but this devotional just shouted from the rooftops right into my ear today, and I couldn't hold back.

Going along with what I've talked about the past two days, I've always been one to spazz out when I can't hear God's voice. So I seek Godly counsel from friends or pastors or mentors. I mean, makes sense! Right?
But this is exactly what God has been laying on my heart this month. In the silence, be still and wait. Stop filling my head with what everyone else is saying, cause then I can't sit quietly and I can't hear God when He's ready to speak. There's nothing wrong with silence, darkness, a period of waiting. And that's where I am now. That doesn't mean I'm waiting and doing nothing, but I will wait and listen and worship, praise, and serve Him. (Ooooh like that song I like so much!) But I will calm down and wait for Him to teach me to listen. And then to speak.

That's one reason why I've been taking this month to focus on Him. Not on other people. Not on me. And not to continually ask Him what's next. He knows my heart desires Him, and when He is ready and He knows that I am willing, He will speak to me and call on me.

That's not to say that He doesn't speak to me daily, because clearly He does. I mean when I'm looking for decisions, answers, direction... the next step. Sometimes we feel like God isn't speaking to us specifically on those things we want and think we need to hear about immediately! At least that's how I feel sometimes. And right now I'm learning to slow down and discipline myself to listen to God now.

Godly Counsel: Part 2

I want to clarify and deepen my thoughts a little on yesterday's posting in regard to hearing God's counsel.
I think God speaks to us in many ways...

• the Bible -- His written Word
• Creation
• circumstances
• other people

Often God uses others to counsel and guide us in the right direction. Pastors are perfect examples of this. I believe God gives them discernment of His word, as well as the talent to teach it to His flock in an understandable way that leads us directly to God.

I think the problem is when we seek others' advice in place of God's. I know I'm guilty of this. I'll ask a couple of my closest friends what I should do, where I should go, or what I should say before I've asked God. Or before I've waited to hear God's response. Then I've got all this advice from my friends bouncing around in my head -- and it's usually good advice, mind you! -- so I'll take their advice without the go-ahead from my Father. And the problem is I'm putting their advice before God's message to me.
I don't doubt that when we're praying to God about something, He often sends people into our lives to answer those prayers. It's also very important to seek out the wisdom of other believers in difficult times, etc. I'm only saying that I personally have learned that it's important to search my heart when I'm seeking His will, and make sure that when I also seek Godly counsel from friends, I'm seeking it from Him first. In that way, I don't put my friends as idols above my Lord. If I've already been on my knees talking to God about it, I'll be able to discern if what my friends are saying is the same as what God wants or wills me to do or say.

Seeking GODly Counsel

God is currently teaching me about ADVICE and this is what He says:
(Spiritual Disclaimer: This is not literally God speaking. This is my one sentence summary of what I'm currently learning from Him. I just put it in red to make it stand out.)

Seek your Lord's voice above all else.

For 3 reasons...
1. God knows the whole story
2. Man's perspective is flawed
3. God's voice requires obedience


1. Sometimes when I try to talk to my friends, I feel like I have to start from the very beginning. And then I know my story is skewed. And it's still only my perspective of the story, which makes it flawed. Not to mention that my friends' perspectives are flawed to begin with (I mean, we're all human here.) But God knows, inside and out, every aspect of every story without flawed vision or perception. Doesn't it just make sense to ask for His advice first? And then again before you make the final decision, just to be sure it's Him you're listening to?

2. The Bible talks repeatedly about Christ coming as the Prince of Peace, about God bringing peace to His saints and children, about the gospel being a message of peace...
Of course, God sends our brothers and sisters into our lives to encourage us, to spur us on, and to impart wisdom from Him. I'm not in denial of that. But sometimes we get different pieces of advice from different friends. And it's not always in accord with what we think is right. So then you have all these alternatives bouncing around in your head and it's so confusing! What should I do?!
If we lean on our friends, counselors, pastors to make decisions for us, well we're not serving God. He brings peace and He speaks clearly, so come to Him first. And come to Him last. And obey Him, above all others, no matter how good their advice may be.

3. This part is my favorite. Even when friends give Godly advice, it's not always what I want to hear. So I don't have to listen, cause 1.They don't know the whole story and 2.Their views are flawed (just like mine)! It's great to get advice you don't have to take right?
But when God tells us we should do something, now that's a different story. That requires obedience. Or blatant disobedience. I shudder to think of showing God such disrespect, even though I do so often.


So I don't always wanna ask God first, or even last, what I should do, because that carries such a heavy weight of obedience... I mean, I might actually have to do something I don't wanna do! But if I want clarity and if I want to be obedient to my Lord, then I need to come to Him. I need to ask Him to speak to me first. I can listen to friends and others, but I need to come to Him again at the end before I make whatever decision it is I am seeking counsel over.

I know it sounds so basic -- Go to God first! But in the chaos of confusing thoughts bouncing around in my head like crazy, and not knowing what to do, it's good for me to break it down into these simple principles so I can remember to Whom it is I should respond when seeking counsel.

Food!

I skipped dinner last night and woke up so hungry. I literally blessed my breakfast this morning thanking God for the food that would make the pain in my stomach go away. Then I got in the car with the radio on and headed to my favorite little town and calculated if I would be there over lunch so I could get a delicious greasy cheeseburger and coke at my favorite little restaurant for $3. Mmmm...
So on the Christian radio station, life88.3, the radio dj was talking about breakfast and couldn't remember if he had eaten yet this morning. The other dj said she definitely noticed he did eat because she forgot breakfast that morning and was hungry, so the memory stood out to her.

Hearing him say he could not even remember if he had eaten that day, something about that statement just stuck out to me. I thought woah, we are that careless about food. It's just something we do. Eat. And there are so many people all over the world starving, who can't think of anything else but how much they would just like a little something to satiate the piercing, nagging hunger that never leaves their tired bodies. And then I remembered how I was glad to get rid of those little pangs of hunger in my stomach this morning.

For those people I want to fast and pray tomorrow. I'm going to skip breakfast and lunch to pray for these people, and to focus my mind on God in place of idly thinking about food.
Anybody else feel led to do it with me?

Luke 4:4
But Jesus answered him, saying, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.’”

Isaiah 26:3
You will keep him in perfect peace, Whose mind is stayed on You, Because he trusts in You.

Ready to be poured out

My small group ate dinner at Panera last night. We had just sat down with our food and there were about 3 different conversations going on at the same time in this group of 7 girls. One of my friends looks at me and she laughs and says, "We are all so busy! Listen to us talking about all the stuff we've done. We're really busy people!"

She's so right. I am so busy. The only time I can remember NOT being busy was the two months between getting back from Mexico and starting my job. It was the slowest, quietest time I can think of up to this point -- in the good way. (Then the storm hit, haha)

We're all busy, and we know it. And sometimes we feel like it's good and productive and sometimes we feel exhausted. What I'm looking at right now is... Am I busy for God? Or am I just busy. I can be hurried, and my schedule can be full, and I can rush through my day blindly. And then I'll miss God. I'll shut Him out and I won't see any of the opportunities He puts before me. Let me just say, Guilty!

Orrrrrr..... I can get busy for God. I can focus on Him, and hit up those opportunities, and when I get exhausted I can draw strength from Him! That's what I want in my life. Godly business and spiritual exhaustion from serving Him. I see a lot of people in my life experiencing that exhaustion right now. And drawing renewed energy from the Source. Man, it's encouraging!! God is at work all around me, but I don't want Him to be at work just around me -- I want Him to be at work in me!!

Use me Lord! Pour me out and exhaust me in Your will and for Your glory.
And when the results are too much for me to bear, let me lean on Your almighty strength, Amen!

Isaiah 40:28-31 (NIV)
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

YES LORD!!!

to reconcile - to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent; restore

God really pulled together a lot of teachings I've recently heard with this passage from Scripture:

When Jesus is facing death on the cross, Peter denies knowing Christ 3 times. But later on, in John 21:15-25, Christ reconciles Peter to Himself... 3 times! He asks Peter 3 times if he loves Him; and 3 times Peter gets to reply "YES, LORD! You know it!"
Sometimes I think I wish Jesus would give me the opportunity to be restored that way. But this example in the Bible is just a real-life illustration of what Christ does for us. The true restoration has already been received -- in His death and resurrection, and my salvation -- and it's just my "human way" to think that I want to do something (or could ever do anything!) worthy of restoring myself to Christ.

And the truth is, we mess up and we often don't see immediate consequences for our sin. That's why we need accountability from other Christians. It's also where our LOVE for the Lord shows up... in our loyalty and obedience to Him to turn from that sin and allow Him to reconcile us to Himself... fall after fall... 3 times or 300 times... I think I've already hit that mark.
But God will use us, like He did Peter, no matter what we've done, as long as we don't turn away. And He will give us the opportunity to shout, "YES LORD!!" when He calls us.

Lust = I must have it at once!

"Spiritual lust causes me to demand an answer from God, instead of seeking God Himself who gives the answer."

This is a statement from my devotional, My Utmost for His Highest, which really made me stop and think. This whole month, my focus is on knowing God more and seeing His perspective in my daily life. One of the things that led me to this point was searching for answers, and one thing that has been going through my mind has been, "Stop asking God where you're going. Don't ask Him this entire month what is next or what He wants you to do, Morgan. Just stop and ask Him who He is. Focus on getting to know Him and having a relationship with Him."

So that original statement made me think again. I have really been looking hard for what God wants for my life... is it for me to go to seminary? be a journeyman? move up in my career at Youth Villages?
And honestly, I got tired of looking for answers. Because I'm not supposed to look for answers. What God wants is for me to look for Him.

I really want to look into this idea of "spiritual lust" a little more. But it's clear to me, after the third instance or so where this issue has come up, that God is telling me to stop searching for answers and worrying about all the things He's promised to take care of... and simply grow in my knowledge of and relationship with Him.

Some days I do better, Lord

I missed a day already :-( We had our annual retreat in Gatlinburg last night, so I wasn't home until late and I didn't post a note on here. Satan was attacking me hard mentally yesterday. The Father of Lies will do anything he can to get in your head and bring you down. I take blame for not getting up in time yesterday to have a quiet time. I gave him a foothold to get in my head and plant weeds.
Determined not to let today be the same, I woke up this morning to spend time with the Lord. (Then I enjoyed a full day out in His beautiful creation -- praise Him for warm weather!) He spoke to me this morning about surrendering to His call mentally and being willing to pour my life out as an offering to Him. I prayed to Him, telling Him that I was ready for Him to shape my will so that I will be ready, also, for Him to shape my life externally.
I'm not sitting here typing this if the devil didn't jump up in my head again tonight and try to fill me with the lies of the world. It's a good thing I'm called to be separated, so I know what to believe and what not to believe, and I know where to go to find a renewal of my mind.

This part of a song our college band plays was in my head all yesterday evening and night.

Show Me Your Grace
the walk band.

Since you reached down and showed me Lord
What I've done wrong
Every day is a struggle Lord
That's why I wrote down this song

Some days I do better, Lord
Sometimes I fall on my face
But You show me Your Grace
You show me Your Mercy

My internet weirded out :-(

So my internet quit on me last night, and I wasn't able to post this. It definitely counts as Thursday's post.

Today, I stood back and waited on God to reveal something incredible to me.
I zipped on through my day hoping things would go according to schedule... and they did! No cancelations, no major frustrations at work, pretty smooth sailing. I talked to Him a couple times about various things. And I counted it a successful day. What was I thinking?
I was waiting on God! As if He's not hard at work all day long! I mean, His schedule is fuller than mine is. And I'm waiting, like, any minute now something's gonna happen and it will just be so obvious that it's God's hand, and there's no way I'll miss it because I've got Him on my mind today.
But He's working all around me. All day long. Inside and out of every little thing. And I was waiting, like God had been on break or something, and at any moment He would clock back in and do something miraculous.... Really I should have been seeking Him and asking Him what He was working on. Because God doesn't take breaks! And He is always doing something!

Tomorrow I think I'll look a little harder.

Mission: Totally Possible

I had an amazing day. I real bright spot after what was a difficult week. Just a testimony to the mercy of God and His upholding promise to never give us more than we can handle.

Again today, He encourages me by reminding me why I wake up each morning, what compelling factor pushes me onward in strength and comforts me when I'm weak. Without His love, I could not stand on my own each day and be a witness to Him in this world.


I met a lady today who used to openly make fun of certain aspects of Christianity in public. She admitted it and smilingly said to me she knew it was probably wrong. Then she looked up and out the window, and laughing, said, "I know it's probably wrong. Sorry!" And looking again at me," I don't wanna get struck down!"
This woman acknowledged the existence of God in the same breath that she mocked Him, making light of how she previously persecuted Him with her public "jokes" against Christianity.

And thus is my challenge. This is the most difficult mission field God has put me in. I'm trying to look at it as just that -- I'm on a "mission trip." I don't know when it began or when my time in this place will end and He'll send me elsewhere. But I do know that the time to act is now. I'm ministering in a place I'm familiar with, to a people who acknowledge God and rebuke Him in the same breath. It's the biggest challenge I've faced, and today I questioned, "How, Lord, can I tell people about You when they openly deny You? When they don't want to hear?" It's a lot different when people think they know God just because they've heard about Him. And it's a lot harder to approach people who don't think they need God because they've got it all already.

But as I ask the question, I'm encouraged by the words of Paul, who faced more trials and hardships than I'll probably ever come close to. I can only hope and then continue to pray that I will respond to my trials the way Paul did and that my ministry, too, will bear fruit...


How, Lord, can I be a witness to You in the midst of a people who don't want to hear?
2 Corinthians 6:3-10 (NLT)
"We live in such a way that no one will stumble because of us, and no one will find fault with our ministry.
In everything we do, we show that we are true ministers of God. We patiently endure troubles and hardships and calamities of every kind.
We have been beaten, been put in prison, faced angry mobs, worked to exhaustion, endured sleepless nights, and gone without food.
We prove ourselves by our purity, our understanding, our patience, our kindness, by the Holy Spirit within us, and by our sincere love.

We faithfully preach the truth. God’s power is working in us.
We use the weapons of righteousness in the right hand for attack and the left hand for defense.

We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors. We are ignored, even though we are well known. We live close to death, but we are still alive.
We have been beaten, but we have not been killed. Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything."

You are the Light of the world. We shine You, Lord!

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS BUT WHAT YOU DO FOR GOD

We had the Walk tonight (our college and young adults worship gathering). I feel blessed and encouraged at what the Lord spoke to me.

There is a point in almost every day where I feel I wanna quit my job. I think to myself, I'm not making any progress with these families, I'm probably not going to, or someone else with experience could do this way better and should be in my position actually helping these kids.

I'm convicted for how little prayer I have put into my job. For letting stress and frustration get in the way of the mercy, patience, and unconditional love I should have for the people I serve.
Tonight, Tim (our college pastor) read from Galatians 6:7-10. "A man reaps what he sows." I get so incredibly frustrated because I'm not allowed to sow the gospel in these homes. My job doesn't allow me to tell the families I serve how much hope there is in Christ. I know it's what they need the most, but I go into their homes 3 times a week and only once have I had the chance to share His hope with someone. So I get weary. I want to quit the race. I feel as though I've failed because I think I'm not planting any seeds.

Galatians 6:9-10 says: "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."
It's pretty clear how God has encouraged me with His words. I can't grow weary, and I cannot give up. My opportunity is right now, and I have this moment only to do good to all people. And when it suits God, He will gather the harvest from the seeds I have planted, if I do not give up in sowing the seeds that please His Spirit.

As for facing my job with minimal prayer and preparation. That's enough of that. Anything I do in this world for any other purpose but that which pleases Him will not last eternally. So if I want to have a lasting impact, I need to start doing my job for Him.
Because nothing else matters but what I do for God.


We are the people of God
The sons and daughters of love
Forgiven, restored and redeemed
Living our lives to the praise of our King
We are the ones who will shine
His light in the darkness of the night
The hopeless, the broken, the poor
They will be hopeless no more

You are the light
The light of the world
And we shine You, Lord

And to the lost and the broken
The hurting and hopeless
We shine You, Lord
To the ones who are weary
Burdened and suffering
We shine You, Lord
click on the title of this blog post to hear this awesome song!

Green with Jealousy

The title of this blog is a quote from one of my high school girls. We laughed and corrected her. "Same thing," she said in her defense. Touche' I thought; same thing, just doesn't sound as good. One of our other leaders corrected us. "God is a jealous God, not an envious God."
I didn't really give it another thought until tonight when I was reading 1 Corinthians 13 about how God's spirit of Love should manifest itself in Christians. So God is a jealous God, and a spirit of love does not envy. But what's the difference? I never thought about the distinction between the two words.

According to Wikipedia :-) jealousy and envy differ in that "jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy is about something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from getting." That's jealousy and envy from a human perspective. If God is a jealous God, and we, too, are jealous as humans, then it must be an attribute we received from Him when we were created in His likeness (Gen 5:1). So what does a jealous God look like? And why is He not envious?

Clearly, God cannot envy, because there is nothing He can acquire.
But a jealous God? Jealous seems like such a negative term. I pulled out the Systematic Theology book that a friend let me borrow in hopes that there would be something on this attribute of God. Here's what I learned: Jealousy as defined in the context of God means that God is "earnestly protective and watchful...of His own honor." God is a jealous God in the sense that He does not desire for His people to worship idols or other gods. He wants His people to worship Him and glorify Him. In my inability to properly express what small understanding I have of our Sovereign King, I make Him sound like a proud and arrogant being. But that's as far from true as possible! God deserves the glory and honor... and ALL of it!! He can claim right to it simply because HE IS GOD.

This definition of jealousy is also why we think of it so negatively. When we seek to protect honor, it is usually our own honor we are guarding. This is not right, because we don't deserve any. The only One who is worthy of honor is the only One who can be jealous for it!

My roommate and I discussed this. Clearly our hearts are often envious, and this is always sin. But there are times when jealousy if it is for God's honor is justifiably and morally correct, and we reflect the right expression of this attribute we share with our Father! For me, this is frequently not the case -- unfortunately. My jealousies are usually sinful. But there are times -- like when I see people following the false teachings of celebrities like Joel Osteen, Oprah, or Tom Cruise -- that I am jealous for them to worship God and Truth, and not to be led in the wrong direction by false ideas about the Christian life bringing wealth and happiness or about there being more than one way to Heaven. Those are times when my jealousy and anger are justifiable in God's eyes. Those are times when God is jealous, too.

In the beginning...

What a start! I mean it's Day 1 of my commitment, and I'm already being attacked by a head cold that developed gradually throughout yesterday. It's hard to see the world through God's perspective when you're grumpy from blocked sinuses, a pressure headache, and possibly a low-grade fever. So I'll admit, getting my heart focused on God today, and not how icky I felt, was a challenge despite the fact that it was Sunday, and I got to hear an awesome sermon on MISSIONS!!! It's mission-fest at our church in the month of February, which is possibly my favorite season (if you can qualify it as a season; I do). I know God is trying to speak to my heart on this, but that's going to have to be the topic of another post because it's not completely clear to me in this moment what exactly He is saying. I look forward to the clarity of it, however.

So, anyway, today I went to lunch with my best friend, who I am seeing less and less of. We've both got big girl jobs, you know. And it is always so encouraging to sit down with someone God has placed in your life and be able to share yourself unguardedly and talk about what God is doing (or talk about wondering what in the world is God doing?) During our lunch together, I was telling her about this blog, and the way I've planned to commit myself to the Lord this month; I knew she would be a partner in my accountability with this. She looked at me and said, "That is going to be really hard, but I think it's an awesome idea." We agreed on the difficulty of setting one's heart on the Lord's perspective every single day.
Already, God is speaking to me about this. It's Day 1 of my commitment to Him, and He has compelled me to search my heart and make certain that my motives are pure. I've been praying about this for a couple of weeks now, and I realized, I was praying more for the blog and worrying about whether I would be able to focus enough to see what He wants me to write instead of praying for my relationship with Him to grow through it all! I feel certain that God is calling me to this task. I've committed myself to it. However, I got excited about the idea of it, and God quickly called me to remember why I am doing this.
I am NOT doing this for the purpose of making myself a better person. It is NOT to improve my character. It is NOT for the purpose of looking good to the people who read this blog. And it is not even for the purpose of seeking God's will for my life.


I made this commitment because I was overwhelmed by worry and anxiety, and not consuming myself enough with my Lord. I made this commitment because I want to further devote my life to Him because of my love for Him. And because I desire to build up my relationship with Him. I made this commitment in order to focus on Him. To have more of Him in my life, and less of me.

And that is why I request prayers for a humble heart. I do not want pride to sneak in and try to take over. This is not for myself, and it is not for you. I am devoting myself to knowing more the One who creates, commands, and cares for all things. I am doing it with a right spirit and a pure heart. And I am doing it to bring glory to Him through my life.

Praise Jesus for calling me to this task.